Listen Very Carefully - The ’Allo ’Allo! Podcast

Fun and merriment as the gypsies come to town. René has his fortune told but Edith’s hand is too wrinkly to get an accurate reading. Louise Gold returns as Elsa Bigstern, and Michelle of the Resistance sports a highly fetching swimsuit.

Kim, Guy and Richard make the most of the hot summer days by recording the pod in Kim’s garden. All kinds of subjects are covered, including the guest appearance of the magninficent Louise Gold, in the role of Elsa Bigstern, who is there to take care of the office – as well as Herr Flick – while Helga takes a few days off. The airmen are down a drain, and have to be fed sausages via René’s trouser leg, and soup from Fanny’s wheelchair. To add to the fun, the general gets a good hosing down with vanilla ice cream.

Thanks to the limitless ingenuity of Michelle of the Resistance, the Airmen have been packed into wine barrels, ready to be floated down a sewer. Wait and see whether or not it will work… To make relations between the locals and the occupying forces appear cordial, Captain Bertorelli is set up to marry Edith, which he approaches with great enthusiasm. And she proves to be quite appreciative of his attentions – a gem of a scene for Carmen Silvera and Roger Kitter.

Kim, Guy and Richard reminisce about the recording days of ‘Allo ‘Allo!, and regularly being refused entry to the studio by the BBC Jobsworths. Kim and Richard recall their unacceptable behaviour as teenaged bartenders, and Guy remembers going to a party with an elephant.

The women of the town are dressed in their finest as they compete to be the Spirit of Nouvion pin-up in the local paper. Lots of fun in the cellar as Flick and Helga have a lovers’ tiff and let rip at each other. John Louis Mansi as von Smallhausen surpasses himself in this episode, especially with this sinister impression of Peter Lorre. Meanwhile, in the office, Gruber reluctantly defeats the Colonel at chess. Now that the new writer, Paul Adam, has settled in, the concensus is that he is doing a fine job.

Flick and von Smallhausen are finally rescued from the monastery by Helga, who whisks them away on an enormous tricycle. The chat around Kim’s table covers a generous range of topics, including General von Klinkerhoffen in stockings and suspenders. Someone in the make-up department has given Monsieur Alphonse’s moustache and eyebrows a sprightly extra twirl this week. Michelle of the Resistance shows a leg – which causes quite a stir in the café, and no mistake.

Despite having no memory of this episode at all, Kim, Guy and Richard soon warm up to it, and all agree it is one of the very best episodes in the entire series. There is a surprise appearance from the late, great Sam Kelly, reprising his role as Hans – only this time he is working for British Intelligence, and the whole episode is helped along by some stirling performaces from a range of guest artists. Definitely one to watch.

Any mention of monks in this show is sure to feature scourging, and the writers do not disappoint. Helga arrives on a large tricycle at the monastery where Flick and von Smallhausen are held captive. The Germans have awarded René a medal for bravery, which does not make him popular in the town – even the pigeons have taken against him, and have rewarded Edith with an unpleasant deposit. The Airmen look especially fetching this week as cleaning ladies in the café.

Now that the old couple have finally landed back on earth, they find themselves trapped behind a wall and have to be released by Monsieur Alphonse with some gelignite. Flick and von Smallhausen get caught in the crossfire and are blown to shreds once again. Gruber and von Flockenstuffen have cpmpleted the improvements to the Colonel’s office, and it is now a delightful shade of coral pink. Kim delivers two perfect Rose Hill impressions and is appointed our official Fanny impersonator. Something of a German-heavy episode this week – not much of the people in the café, and no sign at all of Michelle of the Resistance. But fear not, they’ll soon be back.

Welcome once again to Kim’s kitchen, where we settle in to watch the start of a new season – a year on from the last podcast. We take our hats off to the new writer, Paul Adam, who has taken over from David Croft for this series. The old couple, Fanny and Ernest, come down to earth after floating away on their bed, powered by a helium balloon, then take off on a stolen motorbike. Gruber and the high camp vom Flockenstuffen decide to redecorate the Colonel’s office – in a pleasing shade of pink. Kim accuses Richard of being interesting – for the second time in two weeks. Kim gets into trouble on the Swansea-Cork Ferry.

As Fanny and Ernest are towed out of the church – still in their bed – after their wedding, the two airmen are looking as lovely as ever in their bridesmaids’ dresses and moustaches. Kim shows us a delightful model of Flick and Helga, made by a fan. As usual, there is much talk of the road trip to Norfolk, which had so far not materialised, but looks to be getting closer all the time. Von Smallhausen, dressed as a Boy Scout, forgets to limp. Plenty of double entendres, as usual, so as not to disappoint the loyal followers. An appearance from Ken Morley, as the sinister and camp von Flockenstuffen is guaranteed to lift the spirits.

This week’s pod celebrates the outstanding comic talent of Derek Royle, who plays Ernest Leclerc, the brother of Roger, played superbly by the late Jack Haig. We are treated to the usual Gruber back passage references. Von Smallhausen is starting to get a bit above himself – making hay while Helga is away. Another stunning corset for Helga, as she joins Herr Flick in pratfalls in the dungeon. Crabtree is enjoying life with his lovely girlfriend – but will it last? René looks on as Edith flagellates herself with a bunch of irises. 

The sun is shining and the door to the garden is wide open. Just the weather for a cooling glass of Prosecco. Around Kim's table, the chat, as ever, covers the whereabouts of the famous painting. Plenty of shenanigans as René collaborates with the Germans in trying to convert the stolen gold into cash, including masquerading as a priest in the confessional. Crabtree gets a girlfriend, Derek Royle as Ernest Leclerc goes from strength to strength, the waitresses have one of their famous fights, and – best of all – there is no singing from Edith.

This week’s frlolics in Nouvion, witnessed by Kim, Guy and Richard, involve a secret winking code between Gruber and René. Flick and von Smallhausen, after being arrested, are forced to drag their chains and carry their balls. Helga has another spectacular bedroom scene – this time with Bertorelli – which does not please Herr Flick one bit. Potty Corner is officially launched, with a limerick each from Guy and Richard.

More merriment in Kim’s kitchen. Laughs aplenty in Fanny’s bedroom as Michelle sets up a radio disguised as a dummy buzzard. Some might say it was not the only buzzard in the room... There is a lot of splashing about as the whole town takes to the local lake for another of the Resistance’s hare-brained schemes. Richard recounts a schoolboy prank, involving a pack of beagles and an aniseed trail. 

Rene opens the episode with a massage. As his ankles disapear behind is ears, who should come in but – you guessed it – Lieutenant Gruber. Outstanding makeup effects as the café staff disguise themselves with the help of the make-up artists of the horror star Boris Karloff. Georgio the cat makes an appearance in Kim's kitchen, while two lovebirds canoodle beak to beak outside the window. Lots of fun with the Italian rabble, as ever, and Kim admits to a slight pash for one of them.

It’s anyone's guess why this episode is called The Gestapo for the High Jump, as there is very little Gestapo, and even less high jumping, but perhaps there were once some scenes that have since  been cut. Interspersed with behind-the-scenes yarns, the Peasants share fond memories of the days when domestic holidays were the norm, and en-suite batrooms were not. Listen out for some observations on possible upstaging moments...

The more sharp-eyed of our viewers will notice change in the appearance of Monsieur Leclerc. With the loss of Jack Haig between series, his place has been taken by the magnificent farceur, Derek Royle, in the role of his brother, Ernest, and a mighty fine job he makes of it. A high spot of this episode is the magnificent swahbuckling sword fight between Royle and Kenneth Connor, which showcasess the expert phyisicality that made these two actors famous. Another corset for Helga, which Kim admits to having in her house, but refuses to model it for Guy and Richard. She also swears the she did not purloin it from the set. Yeah right...

Talk in the kitchen turns, as it must from time to time, to sausages – Gorden’s handling of them, and the fact that the saucy innuendo and naughty sight gags went over the heads of the children watching. When Gruber commandeers Helga’s uniform, the patrons of the café are treated to another of her spectacular corsets.

Gathered once more around the kitchen table, the talk turns to Kim’s vexation, lasting 40 years, at being cut from this episode, while Richard learns that he too has been excised. But they manage to put on a brave face, and are soon chuckling at Monsieur Alphonse, whose dicky ticker and tricky truss are put under strain as the ladies of the cafe appear in their scanties. Gruber does not relish searching under Fanny’s bedclothes for the Enigma machine, any more than does Mimi at being dropped down a sewer.

Interesting episode this week, as David Croft aand Jeremy Lloyd stood aside to welcome two new writers – John Chapman and Ian Davidson. The trio discuss slight differences in style, and the verdict overall is deemed to be positive. Much hilarity at Kim’s kitchen table as Guy treats us to impressions of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and a horse. Gorden deftly covers a minor setback, and the team discuss coping with things that go wrong during live theatre performances.

As we reach the 50th episode, agreement is unanimous that the writers Croft and Lloyd are on top form. At a ball for the generals, attended by all the regular characters, Mimi is hidden in a double bass case, while Yvette hides with Monsieur Alphonse in the piano – forcing his dicky ticker into overdrive. Flick and von Smallhausen, disguised as maids, display their pretty ankles, and René risks being fingered for the disappearance of Gruber’s little tank. In the Land of Pod, Kim gets a panto babe caught between her legs.

In this TV episode, the actors are squashed on to a train set (not a trainset, though not much bigger), and talk about the fun of miming rolling carriages. Richard, believing his scenes were all pre-filmed, plays truant from the studio on a holiday with his fiancée, and Is forced to make a breakneck journey to get back for an unscheduled scene. Guy recounts working with Johnny Depp, and lots of fun with listeners’ letters.

After a lengthy hiatus, Kim, Guy and Richard are overjoyed to find themselves back in the studio – or kitchen as some people call it – together with Ron and the cats. Subjects under discussion range from marvelling at Gorden’s delivery of his opening monologue, to Kim flipping her knickers on to a hatstand, and an encounter with the New Zealand police while on tour with Su Pollard from Hi de Hi!

Now that the podcast is on a short hiatus at the end of Season 2, we bring you a bonus episode – Willing Spirits, a the pilot for a radio sitcom that we created during lockdown, using smartphones and zoom. The cast was scattered across the globe, from Australia to Kent, via Herfordshire and the Cotswolds. This presented a number of challenges, and the quality is not as polished as it would be had it been recorded in a studio. However, we think it will still entertain, and depending on the response that we receive from airing this, we will consider re-recording it, along with the rest of the series. Some of our more sharp-eared listeners will recognise the voice of Jan Francis, who played Yvette in Secret Army – the drama series of which ‘Allo ‘Allo! was based, and whose character was the model for Michelle of the Resistance.

See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at:

Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee)

Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee)

Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening)

Book now at Fane.co.uk

See Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at:

Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee)

Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee)

Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening)

Tickets are selling fast, so book now at Fane.co.uk

Plenty of the usual lively chat from Kim’s kitchen. Monsieur Leclerc puts in a brief appearance as an exploding pudding seller, but is ejected before he has a chance to speak. In a scene involving Lieutenant Gruber, the writers are powerless to resist a “they eat faggots for breakfast gag”. Kim’s unusually tanned complexion and the liveliness of the acting hint at a recent break from filming. Disguised as monks, Flick and von Smallhausen look even sexier than usual, and soon find themselves tangled up in the bell tower of a church – or, as von Smallhausen puts it: “suspended by the clappers”. With the second series of the podcast soon to take a short break, the peasants float the idea of airing the pilot of an audio comedy series that they have recorded, with the possibility of releasing the series as a podcast.

See Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at:

Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee)

Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee)

Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening)

Tickets are selling fast, so book now at Fane.co.uk

The  episode commences with a duet from René and Edith. Needless to say, one of them is more in tune than the other. The airmen, concealed in a pair of large mines, are being trained in how to release themselves in mid-air by unscrewing their nuts. Once again, despite elaborate groundwork by Michelle of the Resistance, things do not go according to plan. In the kitchen, Kim’s hospitality towards her fellow peasants is as lavish as ever, and as they toil at their work, the heatwave raging outside makes extra ice essential in the gin.

See Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at:

Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee)

Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee)

Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening)

Tickets are selling fast, so book now at Fane.co.uk

René has arrived at the café still wearing his hospital gown after last week's escapade. The fun starts right away as Gruber makes an entrance, and René tries to avoid turning around. Flick orders von Smallhausen to be smuggled into the mortuary, disguised as a corpse, Bertorelli’s trousers are used to hide the money, and the Colonel impersonates a French peasant on the telephone. Despite starting the pod by saying there is not much to say, Kim and friends soon find plenty of lively stories to share around the kitchen table. 

See Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at:

Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee)

Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee)

Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening)

Tickets are selling fast, so book now at Fane.co.uk